For almost all people, when we behave in a way that hurts someone we care about, we experience the painful emotions of guilt, regret, and remorse. The hurtful actions might lead to rejection and, in the extreme, potentially end the relationship. Most importantly, if the hurtful actions are at odds with our values, they erode our self-esteem or sense of self-worth.
There are two very different kinds of responses in the face of these painful feelings. Both kinds of responses are very human and we all have engaged in some forms of these responses in our lives. However, they result in very different outcomes.
Distancing: Forgetting, numbing, distraction, denying, rationalizing, minimizing, compartmentalizing, and various defensive maneuvers (blaming others, justifying, etc.). Also, a hasty promise to never again do the hurtful behavior can be a way to distract from the painful feeling. All of these behaviors can be done on one's own or in one's head and do not require the injured person to be present. As such, they can all be used while keeping the hurtful behavior secret from the loved one. Also, one has control of these responses, so they offer a feeling of being in control of the situation.
Contrition: Apologizing to, trying to make amends to, asking, or seeking forgiveness from the injured loved one. If the apology is accepted and especially with forgiveness, the pain of guilt and fear of rejection is much reduced as well as some restoration of self-worth. All of these actions require the participation of the loved one, and one cannot control or even predict the loved one's behavior. Therefore, all of the Contrition responses have more risk and make one feel more vulnerable.
Only this second type of response can fully heal a breach of trust, lead to a closer long-term relationship, and restore one's self-esteem again. The second choice requires courage and hard work, but it is the only path to achieving these goals.